We put the "Bad Journalism" in bad journalism.
The part in Conan where he is asked "What is best in life" might be the most important question that has ever been asked. The reason being that if Conan had responded with anything other than his immortal answer, he would have never gained enough courage to fight President Business and the KISS army.
Writing is for the birds. And by birds, I mean birds that know how to read. I have been trying to crack the writing nut, like a peregrine falcon opening a snail shell, for years now. Everytime I hear advice or read something from an alledged literary agent, it's all just a confliction of contradictions. A juxtaposition of contractions. It's enough to make me wonder if the entire "literary agent" field are actually just authors stealing the work of other authors under the guise of helping them get published. No, sorry, your super awesome idea about flying sentient pickles is rejected. Please revise, but this time if you could include more about their backstory and answer these questions: Where did they come from? What do they eat? Why are they trying to get to the Galactic Core? How did they convert processed cheese to fuel cells? And something more about the main character's motivation would be helpful to, you know, get you published. So send a more complete story and I think you'll be in good shape. I postulate that literary agents are agents of literary destruction. Stealing the work of legitimate authors to meet their own publishing aspirations. I'm happy to look at any work too and I can help you get published also, just send me a complete manuscript.
Two days in Summer
One day in Winter
Three days in Spring
Four days in Summer
Is equal to ten days
For those not familiar with my prose poetry, or prosetry, it is a simmering affair with words and nuanced meanings overlain with playful meanderings.
I was sitting there, minding my own business when I was approached by several bees asking me about their beeswax. I said, "I'm just minding my own business, I mean, beeswax, so I can't help you." They seemed ok with that response and went on their way. In other news The Don of Politics, The Trump Card in the 2016 race, The One and Only Hillary Clinton is doing very poorly among voters registered as republicans, independents and conservatives, which has been a stronghold for her during this race. The shift in voter response came after she slandered Bernie Slander by saying he was"too cool for life and your face looks like a empty cornucopia and your arms hang like they don't have any bones in them like that one scene in the famous Harry Potter direct to video production of the Chamber of Secrets starring Danielle Radface" during the last debate. Slanders commented to Hillary that "well you don't know anything and your face looks like a clove of garlic and your arms look like the time that one fat kid tried to jump off the diving board but he slipped and fell and someone put it on youtube and now everyone laughs at him." But overall it was a successful debate. Was it about politics? Yes and no. Was it about personal attacks? Yes. Was it about politics? Yes and no, but mostly yes. Did Bernie "The Sandman" Slanders get elected in the Iowa cluckus? That is a chicken for another time.
In my efforts to write original prose and sentences about things, I have come up with a slam dunk of a basketball-based metaphor for describing my story. It's so good, it's a steal. Did you notice the subtle use of the basketball-based metaphor? If you are an aspiring person that writes words good in sentences and paragraph form, it would be a pleasant idea to review that previous sentence. But really my latest book is not derivative per "se" but it's based on the setting and character traits of an existing collection of words and sentences but I've taken these characters, changed their names and placed them into new situations. Therefore it's not derivative, but an altogether new story based on similar characters with different names. It makes sense for authors to do this because it saves time in developing new characters, and also using existing characters with different names helps the readers feel more familiar with the characters and plotlines. Many authors have been very successful using this method: Stephanie Myers, Jeff Goldblum, Tom Clancy, Suzanne Collins, Colm Meaney, The Rowling Twins JK Rowling and NK Stouffer, Jimmer Fredette and of course James Patterson. These authors should be congratulated for helping us as readers more thoroughly enjoy their books by using derivative characters, settings and plots. This allows us to get books faster and read their words more gooder.
Have you heard of the new craze sweeping the nation-state of America. It's called Dog Swapping and it's the hottest thing since Roomba the fitness miracle faked it's way into your DVD player with promises of health through spinning around your living room. Ok, I admit it. Dog swapping is totally bogus. In fact, it's completely made up. But there is some truth to it. Dogs can be swapped. But I should actually say "swopped" if you know what I mean. So here's what you do. You find a small dog, something that can fit in a bucket. Grab the dog, and trust me, the owners of the dogs are totally cool with this, so no worries there, in fact they will probably thank you! Put the dog into a bag or something for safe keeping. Like either a plastic garbage from Costco or maybe wrap it up safely in plastic wrap. You get the idea. So then take the wrapped up little dog and then place it into a bucket. Then fill up the bucket with hot water. Dogs love hot water anyway, so they would thank you if they could talk. Then, put some kind of cleaning agent into the water, something like ammonia or bleach. Soft scrub bleach would work too, but you'll want to put a bunch in. So now I know what you're thinking. You're thinking "Ok this is great for the dog and everything, a hot chemical bath while wrapped tight in plastic wrap, but when do I get to have some fun too?!" Ok here is the fun part I promise. Take a mop, I'm sure you've got one laying around somewhere. This is what you're going to do. With your mop, swish the dog mixture around in the bucket! See, the sw in the word swap is from the Swish and then the opping in the word swopping is from mopping. Now you know the origin of Dog Swopping. But enough about that, lets get back to these dogs. They love this! So you get the good feeling about playing with your dog and then you can even use the dog to mop your floor, so then your floor gets clean.
I'm 26 or 27. I've been married for a few years and have a set of twin boys.
