Agents of Postulation

Writing is for the birds.  And by birds, I mean birds that know how to read.  I have been trying to crack the writing nut, like a peregrine falcon opening a snail shell, for years now.  Everytime I hear advice or read something from an alledged literary agent, it's all just a confliction of contradictions.  A juxtaposition of contractions.  It's enough to make me wonder if the entire "literary agent" field are actually just authors stealing the work of other authors under the guise of helping them get published.  No, sorry, your super awesome idea about flying sentient pickles is rejected.  Please revise, but this time if you could include more about their backstory and answer these questions:  Where did they come from?  What do they eat?  Why are they trying to get to the Galactic Core?  How did they convert processed cheese to fuel cells?  And something more about the main character's motivation would be helpful to, you know, get you published.  So send a more complete story and I think you'll be in good shape.  I postulate that literary agents are agents of literary destruction.  Stealing the work of legitimate authors to meet their own publishing aspirations.  I'm happy to look at any work too and I can help you get published also, just send me a complete manuscript.