Cease and Desist

I did such a good job of discrediting blogging as a form of communication that I convinced myself to stop blogging.  But then I remembered that the greater good is to convince everyone else, so I'm back on my quest.  I also know I've been really down on Rachel Dummo about her stupid show--therefore it came as no surprise that I received a letter from her publicist.  It reads as follows:

 

Dear Sole Propietor of The Green Bottle Blog:

My name is Norman Recog and I am the chief publicist for Rachel Ray and this is an official cease and desist order.  We have received a number of complaints levied against this website regarding the use of her likeness and cooking trade secrets.  Please discontinue divulging Rachel's recipes.  She works really hard to create unique and interesting if not completely palatable meals within 30 Minutes.  And her viewership mostly consists of women who are too lazy or who have chosen to pursue a career instead of care for their families to put any more thought into a meal than 30 minutes.  The other part of her viewership are those who are delusional about cooking and who think they are as good as Rachel.  The truth is though, they probably are better than Rachel, but it's important that she not discover this secret.  Actually, truth be told, on days when she's feeling really "experimental" with food, we've actually stopped taping without telling her, because she can't tell the difference anyway.  Honestly, you'd think that when we turn all the cameras and lights off, that would be a signal.  But listen, the point is that Rachel is overrated as a tv chef and that's why she can't do anything like Throwdown with Bobby Flay or ever Iron Chef American.  You know what?  I think I'm going to tell her.  I'm a better chef, I should have my own show.  It'd be called Food with Norman Recog.  And none of this octopus ink lime smoothies or candy apple eggrolls or mincemeat yogurt parfait topped with caviar and creamed corn.  So thank you, please do not cease and desist, but instead uncease and insist and continue divulging the secrets of Rachel's success, especially the raw pork rind pad thai uncooked rice casserole.

Sincerely,

Normal Recog

Future host of Food with Normal Recog

So there you have it.  The saga of me making fun of Rachel Ray is over.  Besides, there just comes a time when the Norman Recogs of the world have to get up stand up stand up for your rights.  So here's to you Norman, you may be a terrible chef, but you're a miserable human being too.