Anvil of Crom

I have never prayed to you before, I have no tongue for it.  What matters is that one blogger stands against every blogger.  And if you do not listen, then to hell with you.  It's true that Crom is the patron saint of bloggers and that battle pleases him.  Which is why I contacted Gregor Unteed to clash in battle with Rachel Rummo on her hit show 30 minute mannequins.  Gregor leapt into the spotlight at last year's hit show Food and Battle where he defeated the eccentric millionaire Morimoto in mortal konbat using only the kitchen weapon of the day, which happened to be a garlic press.  It took several hours, but Gregor had finally defeated the undefeatable foe.  Rachel was in the audience that day though studying his moves, learning his technique.  When they clashed on 30 minute mannequins, the force of their attacks was so great that it knocked the cameras off their perches.  Rachel was quick though, she had a full complement of spatulas which she flung with near-deadly accuracy.  Gregor countered by blocking the spatulas with a serving tray and then thowing several meat tenderizers.  Rachel caught one in the shoulder as she rushed towards him brandishing a turkey baster.  She was too fast for Gregor and she landed several hard hits.  One sent gregor flying through the air hard enough to break the cupboards in the kitchen.  He quickly regained his composure and pulled from his waist pouches two vegetable steamers which he quickly expanded into disc mode.  Rachel had jumped into the air and screamed "Flight of the Golden Wasps!" and unleashed a barrage of BBQ forks.  Gregor had barely enough time to raise his vegetable steamers before the forks shot towards him.  A fork struck his leg just below his kneecap.  He screamed in agony and flung one of the vegetable steamers through the air which sliced into rachel's right shoulder and lodged into the wall behind her.  The two wounded combatants continued their assault.  Rachel pulled a marble rolling pin and began attacking gregor.  She smashed through the island which separated the warriors.  Gregor who still had one vegetable steamer blocked one attack but it shattered the steamer and broke his hand.  He quicked grabbed a handful of skewers which he loaded into a cookie press to create a makeshift blowgun.  He sent wave after wave of pointed skewers at rachel who took numerous hits.  Gregor loaded up another round of skewers and used them to pin rachel's wounded arm to the wall.  He leapt toward the trapped fighter wielding dual ladels.  Just before he could land the finishing blow, Rachel severed her own arm with a  bar strainer.  Gregor's attack went through the wall but rachel had jumped out of the way.  She went for the final strike with some salad tongs, but gregor had one more trick up his sleeve.  With his last baker's dozen of strength, he grabbed a cooling rack and flung it like a frisbee.  She never saw it coming.  And like that it was over.