Sean Bean is pronounced Sean Bonn or Seen Been, either is acceptable

Last night on last week tonight yesterday the host Sean Bean was talking about how everyone talks about how he dies in every movie he has ever starred in except for The Lord of the Beans, when he took out a Kalashnikov and shot everyone in the live studio audience.  Then he said "How do you like those beans?"  But since everyone in the audience was a paid actor and they just used fake blood and his gun was filled with blanks, everyone applauded him and gave him an Oscar.  He was so upset that everyone was still alive, he pointed the gun at his head and pulled the trigger.  The gun was loaded with blanks but he still pretended to die anyway.  Later he actually did die because he always dies in every movie.

Dog Sledmobiling

As the reigning king of sled dogmobiling, I've seen my share of sled dogs and mobiles.  Of course, as the goal of sled dog mobiling is to knock over as many dogs as you can with your sledmobile, I've seen plenty of dogs knocked over.  Because I'm the champ.  I'm the top ranked dogger.  But I'm also glad they are introducing a new guinea pig category this year for the younger entrants into the sport.  Plus they aren't as fast so it's easier to hit them with your sledmobile.  In other e-sports news, the world championship of DOTA just happened.  The most boring game genre ever conceived is the biggest e-sports category.  But that's kind of the same thing with nascar too though.  You have a billion people flocking to nascar "races" every year only see the cars go around the track over and over again at a regulated speed.  And you have all these infatuated lovesick MOBA crushes falling all over themselves while watching someone else play a super boring game with a fixed outcome.  I wish we could just ask ourselves if either of these two "sports activities" is worth the time and money.

Design on a dimwit

It's true what people say about Pacific Rim.  They say it's the best Hellboy clone since Hellboy 2, in case you hadn't heard.  This is because it's pretty much the same movie.  It has the same trademark Guillermo Del Toro acting and also giant monsters.  But it also has the trademark Benicio Del Toro acting who was so good in The Usual Suspects, an ancient movie by today's Standards of Ancience set forth by The American Standard Institute of Ancience (or ASIA).  They also write standards for backyard design, and so when they saw last night's Design on a Dime, they first said, "No dimes were harmed in the making of this backyard" but right after that they said "because this backyard is a terrible design, except for this delightful table with a cut out center."

An inkling for food

I had an inkling the other day.  That's because I caught him trying to steal my napkin at Applebees.  So I grabbed him and some of his ink squished out and then the waitress was like "Hey where did all this ink come from, we just had the inkicide people spray everywhere."  Just then the inkling bit my hand and jumped on the waitress.  She screamed and we tried to get the inkling off, but it was too late and she ended up a puddle of ink on the floor from which more inklings sprung forth and attacked the other Applebees patrons.  She was also pretty slow on refilling my beverage.  And she kept screaming about not wanting to be liquified into semi-viscous inkling spawning material from which more inklings would spring forth.  And it's because of these complaints I have, and several others, that I was forced to report Applebees to the Inkling Watch Committee for further investigation.  Or should I say further ingestion because if you eat an entire Applebees nachos, that's what you're doing.  Also I was watching Pacific Rim at Costco again and I noticed an error.  It occurs between SMPTE 0:09:15:01 and 1:52:59:01 of the movie.  That's because most of the movie is an error in that it could have been so righteous and yet it wasn't.  Therefore because of the multiplicative inverse property of 0, error.

Interstellar War with a side of global annihilation

If I have learned one thing in all my years from instigating interstellar war, it is this:  I was right about Jared Fogle, along with basically everyone else that has ever met that guy.  But I was also right about Guy Ferrari.  Not that he's a perv, but that he's not a chef.  And that brings us to our final point.  If Guy Fantasmic continues to have a show on cable television, we are doomed.  Not just in the ratings war, but as a species.  We cannot survive another Guypocalpyse.  And seriously, the dude is not a chef.  And seriously, some dude named Adam Richland, who's held just about every position in the restaurant business who is specifically not a competitive eater qualifies him to have his own show about competitive eating which depicts him eating competitively?  Please FoodNetwork, if could just shut down yourself and cancel all your programming, that would be great.  Terrible, but great.

SQL is like Ovaltine

SQL can help anyone visualize data.  But do you know what the best part about it is?  It's so good for you, you can drink it whenever you want.  Just like rich chocolatey chocolate water.  

Finger hangups

After 10 years of dominating the blog scene, this blogger has decided to hang up his fingers.  I say fingers, because you use your fingers with a keyboard.  To type things. That's what that phrase means.  Anyway, this will be my last entry because I'm hanging up my fingers.  It's been a road filled with blogs and food and blogs about food and food about other food.  All in all, it's been mostly about food.  And when I look back on this blog, I will think mostly about my precious readers and food.  But mostly about my precious readers' food.  That's because I'm in ur fridge eatin ur fuds.  And that's how you punk someone.  I just punked the entire internet because you thought I had hung up my fingers, but in fact, I just hung up YOUR fingers and now YOU have to quit blogging.  But that's how things work in this business.  Or, should I say, worked, because you don't have a job anymore in this business.  Or should I say, bloginess. Either way you're fired.  Just like recent presidential unhopeful Don "The Donald Trump" Trump used to say on his hit food show "The Appfoodtice" where he would fire unlucky food creators for not using all the ingredients.  But seriously I quit.

Flipper Flops

I was watching this new realitainment show called Flip or Flop.  It follows the crazy world of a fake couple masquerading as husband and wife that buy cheap houses, do some minor cosmetic work on them and then sell them for huge profit for which they do almost no work.  It should be called Middle Men Floppers because that's what these people are.  Tom Shane of the Shane Company Direct Diamond Importers needs to eliminate these middle men like he has done with the diamond business.  Even though he has a deviated septum.  Or is it the Shang Company.  Like Shang Tsung.  I'm thinking it might actually be Shang Tsung, Usurper of the Throne of Outworld and eventually displaced Ruler of Outworld, who is eliminating the middle men.  That would make more sense.  But these middle men flippers should be flipped off with your middle finger because they are hosing up the housing market with their inflated prices and inflated sense of self worth.  If there were no house flippers in the world, and people bought homes they wanted to live in and fixed them up, we would have more affordable prices for everybody and also it would help stabilize the price of cheese.

It was the prosperous of times it was the perilous of times

I was listening to Queen's rendition of the Flash Gordon battle scene soundtrack and it was so epic, I had to throw my computer out the window over and over until it broke into separate components.  That's how epic that track is.

The measurement of courage

True courage cannot be measured in minutes or bytes or other measurements of substances and objects, but only in the amount one desires to change the hearts of others through the forging of new bonds of kindness and humanity.  That is how your measure courage.

Crashing lives and crashing markets

I've been watching lots of The Property Brothers, or more accurately, The Property Bothers, because they are so unintelligible.  But it has made me realize something.  I enjoy watching people's lives fall to pieces on television.  Whether that be because of the property bothers or the flipping floppers or diners drive-ins and dudebros, everyone's lives on those shows eventually falls to pieces about three-quarters of the way through the show.  And it is glorious.  Remember the time when Guy McDudebro went to the one lady's pizza restuarant and said how everything was out of bounds and how the food would be better if she added some backwards sunglasses to the sauce.  But when the customers came in to try her signature dish, called Pizza Picatta, they all told her how terrible it is.  She then looked at Guy and he did one of those shrugs with his shoulders as if to say "To me, this place is out of bounds, you get that spicyness from the spice and the sweetness from the candy, I mean it's legit.  I'm just going to put my sunglasses on backwards again.  I just gotta check this out."   But it's passe to poke fun at Guy Figleaf these days because it's been done so much that you have to ask what's the point anymore?  He's responsible for quotes like "Out of Bounds" and "Glub glub glub this is good sauce" just like he's responsible for destroying the Food Network.  Thanks Guy Fedex and the Property Bothers for wrecking cable.

The eyes of tooth

Are always brushing.  I watched the trailer for The Matrix the other day.  I know this audience agrees with me that it is from the best decade of cinema since the 80s.  The 90s.  Because lets be honest to each other, the 90s was the best decade for cinema.  There you go.  End of story.  Period.  Game over.  Lights out.  Anyway, The Matrix is the best Matrix-based movie I ever see.

What I saw in the fridge

It will shock you.  I was in my kitchen one mid-morning after I got home from shopping.  I was taking my food out of the paper bags I get from the grocery store.  I then heard a strange rumbling sound, or a growling sound that seemed to be coming from the fridge.  It was a Jenn-Air so I knew that the fridge could not possibly by broken.  Seriously that fridge was 12 thousand US dollars.  I opened the fridge and it's like there was a gateway to another dimension in there.  And I heard a voice say Zuul.

The changing world of blogging about changes in the world

The world is changing.  I feel it in the earth. I smell it in the blogs.  And so thus begins a much heralded entry in my blog.  Today I write about changes in the world of blogging about changes in the world.  Actually I changed my mind, I'm going to write about science news instead.  Today in sciences news, science-ists have performed the worlds first vegetable to animal mind swap.  We all know that mind swaps have been happening between humans and people, but this is the first vegetable to animal swap. A brain of an elephant was placed into a bag of baby carrots.  This would have been a great triumph for science lovers everywhere, but the bag ran out the door when confronted by a mouse who had been brain swapped with an elephant.  Since mice are afraid of carrots, the elephant mouse was confused and the carrots ran away with the spoon.

Avatarlicious

I was watching the Avatar cartoon, not the movie with the people who can "avatar" the air around them, but the cartoon with the blue people who live in an underwater paradise above water because everything is always floating.  Which of course can only happen if things are underwater.  That's what I tell my clients more than anything else.  If you're underwater, you're floating. But anyway I was watching the cartoon with the blue people and I noticed that they also can "avatar" the fire, wind, water, life, air, and other elements, namely, Heart, Earth, Fire, Wind and Water.  And then by their powers combined, they summon the greatest hero of all, Hollywood Effects Man who has the power to make anything you can imagine but it only exists on screen and so when they "avatar" their powers together, they create Avatar Man who is not actually blue, but is a live-action version of the blue people.  Then they decided that since they were actual people now, they would start a Las Vegas show which is pretty good if you ever get a chance to see it.  It's called Avatar Man Group or maybe Blue People the last avatar people.  It's one of those I'm pretty sure.