We put the "Bad Journalism" in bad journalism.
I would like to think that it is for me, not some old lady on a commercial who is obviously talking directly to me, to decide when I'm done. Couple that with the substandard pizza that usually comes from Pizza Hut, and I'd like to say, "Actually, I AM done Rippin' and Dippin'." Then I'd take the last piece and throw it at her face. Then I'd take some hotdogs that were on the table and throw those at her face too.
I was watching a trailer to a game last night. A game called F.E.A.R. I was feared. Actually, I was really feared. Maybe, I wasn't so feared as I was disturbed. So, in celebration of my disturbment, I've procurred this disturbosity index:
You know what numbers mean
889-F.E.A.R.
996-Resident Evil
744-Doom 3
573-When you put a peach into your mouth, forgetting that it's covered with coarse, living hairs
stupidity that reaches beyond the depths of the nexxus void-Madonna and Brit kissing
934-Little girl ghosts
997-The Ring commercials
13-The One Ring commercials
7-Mad Shark
982-Rippin' and Dippin' commercials
Maximum Disturbosity cubed to the Sweetbees!!!-Playing Doom for the first time
Anyway, seriously, FEAR, by my favorite studio, Monolith, looks INCREDIBLE. It's got Doom 3 quality models, but serious horror motifs. The trailer/e3 footage scared me right out. If I was someone who was not as brave as me, I might have even tried putting off going to bathroom last night, because I didn't want to venture off into the darkness. But like I said, I didnt' do that. I mean, that's just ridiculous, right? So, back to the game that is awesomeness, you should look at the footage. I downloaded a 311 meg vid and I will never be the same. Oh yeah, and I didn't avoid using the bathroom last night.
Having recieved over 2 requests for a published funess index, here it is:
1 being no funess, 500 being average funess and 1000 being Maximum Funage to the XTreme!
1-Breaking your arm in a freak soccer accident
899-Skydiving, or thinking about skydiving
6-Internet Surfing
921-Reading Tolkien while in Mirkwood
7-Reading Tolkien at the mall
Priceless-Finding your younger sister's preadolescent "Boyfriend List"
853-Driving in the Philippines
224-Moving across country with an overloaded UHaul trailer attached to your four-door sedan
19-Getting married
999-Being married
856-Snorkeling
1000-Blogs
998-Commenting on Blogs
Agravating beyond all reason-Watching commercials
900-Talking back to commercials and wishing the TV could understand what you are saying
991-Traveling in Asia
11.7-Travling in the Midwest
900 1/2-Computer Games
0-Sleeping
3-Waitressing
887-Talking to Bill Frumix/Frakal Frakix
950-Watching movies while driving
foolhardy-Watching movies if you are driving
negative 12-Not Bloggsing
depraved indifference-Abandoning your blogs
So, there you are. Everything that can possibly happen ever, rated according to it's funess rating. Bob Costas didn't make the funess index, despite high pre-index concepts because of a good performance on Space Ghost, but has since mucked up his rating on the Olymoptics. Costas Out!
Blogging has lost 39% of it's total funess rating due to the apparent abandonment of Frumix and Smeagol the Betrayer. So, I'm looking for something to replace the funess, or to somehow enhance or betterify the blogging experience. I'm also eating a sandwich.
I've had it with you blog. I heard from one of my friends that you are a mean blog! I don't care if it's not true, the fact that you have been accused is enough to guiltify you to me!
But it's time to say goodbye. For today. So until next time, which will probably be tomorrow, have a terrific life and as they say in Swaziland, Don't put off till tomorrow, when you can just forget about it all together. G'Night!
I've been blogging all day and boy are my arms tired. In other news, what's your damage about not bloggsing? I wasn't blogging yesterday. So I have tons of news to update you, the blogistener. That one guy one the medal at those sports competitions yesterday. That was pure excitement. Snap into a slimjim!
There comes a time in everyone's life when they have the opportunity to screw someone over. I screwed someone over this morning as I was driving. In other news, don't watch movies like Freaky Friday. Actually don't watch anything with Jamie Lee Foxx or Lindsey Lolan. Actually don't watch teen movies. You know what, don't watch anything. period. comma, semicolon; period.
You know that feeling you get sometimes when you are in a large body of water, and you feel yourself start to submerge under the water? That's that sinking feeling. In other news, the monkeys are still attacking the small Sudanese town, but there aren't any news links, I'm just guessing. If I were over there, I'd have welcomed my new monkey overlords. I'm anxious to get home today. In other news, people that have blogs and don't blogs are wasting a very valuable resource, blogs.
I've been playing Doom 3 a little this weekend. It's a freaky game. Very makes me jump kind of game. But maybe. I'm tired and hungry and there is no solution to either, except for the olympians to admit that they love the money associated with pro sports. Take that you stupid hosers!
I was just raked over the coals for almost 2 hours from a friend of mine because she disagreed with my superior logic. Here's a transcript:
Me: Professional sports are super dumb and the athletes are overpaid and consider themselves demi-gods.
The other person: You're just jealous! I hate you!
Me: I think you should be a little objective about this. Sports figures get paid astronomically for...what?
TOP: You're stupid!
Me: College guys are doing it for free, despite loser signing bonuses, but they aren't all drafted into the Worldwide Sports Machine, so they aren't deterred so much as to not even try.
TOP: You're dumb and you like to kiss your own butt.
Me: Rrrrrright.
At this point it was obvious that I was not going to through to this person. I felt sad, but knew in my heart that there are few individuals able to realize that the amount of money we pay yearly into the sports machine would solve most 3rd world countries financials problems for 150 years. Not that it should go there, it should go to our government and fix the deficit. But that's not what you wanted to hear, is it.
Everyone knows that The Olympics isn't about the sports anymore, right? Well, some people don't because I was talking to some people about that last night, and they said, "I love the Olympics and when I grow all up I want to BE The Olympics!" So, I said, by the time you are grown, the olympics will be every 6 mos and will be syndicated the other 3 months. So, the question is, what is happening to sports? Or perhaps the broader question is, why don't sports interest anyone anymore and finally, why does every "amateur athelete" have a heart-wrenching backstory?
First of all, it is my opinion that playing sports, almost any sport, is great great fun. Swimming, tennis, soccer, american football, badminton, baseball, they are all fun to play. So why is it, that something that is completely active, be at all fun when you are sitting on a couch in front of a tv, watching said sport? It doesn't make sense to me. Actually, I enjoy watching sports, but only for several minutes at a time, or until the imbecile announcers force me to change the channel to protect my intellect.
Second of all, sports don't interest people the same way they used to. My opinion is that the athletes of a given sport have all but slung their own corpses into the briney deep, Davey Jone's Locker. I think we, and most importantly, I am tired of pedestallated, transcendant, above the law athletes.
And finally, why does every amateur athlete have a heart-wrenching backstory? This is simple. But we will use an analogy. This question can be answered with another question: Why was Jimmy Falon hired on to SNL? The answers to both of these questions can be answered with this simple question: What is the least populated, but growing demographic of both of these activities? The answer to this question, and the answers to the preceeding questions as well as the originating answer to the question of the first answer can be questioned by asking yourself this question: NBC is obviously trying to draw in the female demographic. We know that Jimmy Falon has quit the show, but I'm sure we'll see the same phenomenal success that we saw with the other SNL grads of the past few years. Especially that little guy.
Link. This will go down in history as the single greatest organized animal attack on kitchen utensils.
blythe2night
I'm not sure how much I like these Stygian dolls staring at me from the depths of Hades. I think they are kind of creeptacular.
Of slow internet! You thought I was just tired of life or sleepy or something. In other news, Bjork is weird. In other news, people who like Bjork are weird. I was listening to Guns and Roses last night and I was rockin' out. I'm at work right now. I feel my job is secure despite my "Temp" status. It's almost the weekend. Here's what I have planned: work on demoreel. That about it covers it. I'm also going to watch The Neverending Story 100 times. So this weekend will be called "The Weekend of 100 The Neverending Stories".
For the past 2 hours, I've been searching the internet for sites that I used to frequent. I have been fortunate in some instances. Some of the old Geocities sites are still active, despite not being updated since 1997. Something about those old sites really makes me smile though. I think it's the lack of java, the lack of banner ads, the lack of proper HTML usage. I love looking at that stuff and thumbing through their guestbooks and seeing that no one has been there in 4 years. It's just cool. It's like discovering an old webpage that no one has visited in years. But maybe.
I've been searching for 3 hours for my first webpage, only to be denied by the massive entity known as Mr. Internet. I can't find it anywhere. Everything leads me to a dead end. The original host is even down. What do I do? Well, I'll eat a banana for one thing, then I will resume my search. I have reason to believe that the harddrive from my original computer is fixed and possibly contains all my source material. I will post further on this if possible.
There seems to be a little confusion over the purpose the previous post. It was not posted due to their nationality. It was a random site that I found whilst skipping through the corridors of Blogger. In other news, I'm really tired today and once again I fear for my job. I hope all is well.
Captured moments... :)
If you are curious as to what people eat and what people look like here's a blog with tons of pictures of people and food. It's the absolute most!
I didn't even know "night" was an element! How foolish of me.
You're Element is Night. You're a loner who is very creative but never show your work to anyone You may smile a little but sadness or loneliness surround you and other can feel it when they're near you. You have a dark or unusual beauty that makes you mysterious and you probably have a lot of secrets that you'venever told anyone. You're beauty is intrigingand unorthidox but the real thing that makes you special is your eyes. Something in them makes them like Diamonds in the Rough.
What's Your Element(girls)? (PICTURES)
To commemorate 30 Years of Harry Potter magik, here is a comic. Link. In other news, no one is one right now, so I'm just going to have to take more tests to figure out what kind of Mongolian BBQ I am. Mmmmm Toast.
My brother is named Cobbler. I'm not sure exactly why, but I think it has to do with him making the Cobbler at Golden Corral. That was some good cobbler. Especially the since it was what I call a two step cobbler. First you open the bag with the cobbler and put in the pan. Lastly you open the box with the preformed, pressed and frozen crust and put in on the cobbler. Then just cook it and it's done! Perfect Cobbler everytime.
You are Ji Nu!
A Chinese stellar goddess. Charming, inquistive,
and a dreamer.
Which Chinese Mythological Being Are You?
I feel I should say that I did put that I was a male in the test, but it did not seem to affect the outcome.
I'm all fired out about this!
You are Kusakabe Marron | Kaito Jeanne
You are generous and talented, though often widthdrawn. You tend to have just a few close friends, rather than many. You appear very cheerful and enthusiastic, but struggle to keep up with what others expect of you. In the end, your perseverance and sacrifices help you pull through.
Why haven't I blogged today? Well, in conjuction with that question and the theory of Warpation, I have come to blog today. And now for my final question, has anyone seen that they crappy US basketball team got trounced by Puerto Rico? Now that's what I call a Real World Education.
In other news, a close friend and myself are making a game like the one from nintendo called Animal Crossing. It's going to have things like collecting bugs, paintings, household objects and fish. You'll be able to talk to animals and buy stuff at a store. There will be a dump and a fireworks show too. We're going to call it Animal Crossing 2-The Ripoff or AC2-The Hunger. We're still doing the decision.
I had 2 hotdogs for lunch today. It didn't really feel like I was walking on broken glass, but I'm willing to try new things. I have company coming today. It should be a fun weekend. In other news, fanfiction is so dumb. If you are going to write a fanfiction, please make sure it doesn't suck. In other news, it probably will suck, so don't write it.
But I was playing a little game I like to call, Curve Ball. It's highly addicting, so be careful. Plus my days are spent trying to find the most awful art on the internet. It's fun, and you can see tons of bad artwork. Most of it tries to look like anime. Which, by the way, just because you watch anime, does not mean the following:
a)That you can draw anime
b)That you are an anime character and thus not confined to the laws of physics
c)That you can speak Japanese. Knowing what "Baka" means does not count
d)That every Japanese woman will fall madly in love with you
e)That you know can emit powerful energy pulses from your hands
f)That you know karate
g)That you can fly
and finally
h)That the country of Japan is made up of anime characters
Anime is cool and everything, but only for the discerning fan. If you or someone you know falls into the previous category, you need to have a serious talk with them about what it means live in reality.
In my quest to produce bad journalism, I have come up with this simple scheme. I'll take a news story from a reputable source, but replace all the names of people with a teen idol aka Olson Twins, Lindey Holan, Abanda Vines, Hillary Dumbhead or Lizzy Macguire and then I'll replace whatever is happening in the article with shoplifting. I'll then sell these faux articles back to the reputable source as real news. I'll make a fortune in practically a fortnight.
In other news, my envelope stuffing job has basically fallen through. They didn't send me any products, so I'm down almost $1000 and no envelopes. I guess I'll have to look for another envelope stuffing company.
I just heard that JK Rollin's new book is going to be called Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire is Lame. No one blogs anymore these days. So it looks like I'm going to have to hold down the fourt. In other news, it would appear that I'm still Zack Attack Morris. I just came back from my latest world-wide tour. It rocked.
Take the What Kind of Macaroni and Cheese Are You? Quiz
Created by LJ User RobProv222
You're plagued by feelings of abandonment and disgust for your backstabbing step-brother. Oh, what might have been."
Which OS are You?
Here is a personality test. I was starting to wonder if I really knew who I was as a person. So, as you can see, I can still take personality tests with the best of them.
personality tests by similarminds.com |
Hello Internet. A comment was recently posted on the board about not finding anything funny on DGreetings.com. To that comment I reply: do you mean to tell me that someone saying they are going to pop corn out of "U" isn't funny? Well that makes me really fired out. Obviously, you have a humorisity problem.
In other news, most stuff sucks. But mainly Jared Flogul sucks. Did you know they are bringing him back to slubway commercials because of his singular wit and superior on-screen chemisty with slubway employees? I have yet to meet a slubway employee who has actually seen The Jared.
You are Haneoka Meimi
You are athletic and determined, though not necessarily the best of students. You have a strong sense of justice and are always willing to help those in need. You love to joke around, and have tons of friends. Though you love a good chase, you never like to get caught.
Take'>http://strictlyshoujo.com/goodies/quiz.html">Take the "What Magic Girl are you?" Quiz
Well, so far I haven't found any good links of the day and frankly I'm tired of trying. So you'll just have to wait. In the meantime, here's a good recipe for hotdog pizza:
ingridients:
-1 pizza
-hotdog pieces
instuctions:
-put the hotdogs on the pizza
Here's a recipe for eggnog too:
ingriedients:
1 eggnog
instructions:
drink the eggnog
I'm so tired and hungry. Plus I'm all fired out because my youngerest sister claims to not like Guns and Roses. That makes me so fired out, the next time I see her, this is going to happen.
Everyone knows that when you put 2 delicious things together, it becomes twice as better right? Like fried fish and grape juice, or red hots and Lucky Charms. Well, hotdog pizza might be the most delicious thing on the whole planet. And while I've never had it before, it can imagine that it looks glorious. Delicious pizza covered with generous sized pieces of quality hotdogs. I do not however think is should like this. That looks revolting. It looks like pigskin pizza. And pigskin, while delicious when it's roasted on a spit over an open fire, is not good straight out of the microwave. If you are going to make hotdog pizza, please consult me first.
The internet should not tolerate this kind of language, especially when referring to the Olympics and more specifically, drugged-up NBA gangstaz.
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&ncid=1756&e=2&u=/040804/483/xkoe11008042110
This story really shouldn't have made the news, but it was funny. In other news, the US is going to get trounced in the Olympics in basketball.
Ah yes. 1993. It was a banner year for digital gadgetry. It was the year that the Compact Disc medium finally overtook cassettes in worldwide sales. The MPAA was riding high on the waves of the digital future. It was also a banner year for people who bought 8-tracks. 8-tracks while producing a superior sound than the phonograph, couldn't fast forward or rewind and you couldn't even really stop them from playing, other than to take them out of the host device. So what I'm saying is, that in 1993, no one should have bought an 8-track.
I liked the Neverending Story theme song (Turn around, look at what you see...that one) alot more before I knew that a man was singing it and before I knew what that man looked like. I'm not going to ruin it for everyone else, but if you don't like that song, you owe it to yourself to see who is singing it because it's not a girl. It's a man.
I have nothing to talk about right now. So I'll talk about the Brady Bunch Movies. I was pleased to discover that they have been pressed in Digital Versatile Disk format. This is perhaps the best news since my parents bought a stereo with an 8-track player and my brother bought a Fleetwood Mac 8-track (Rumours, no doubt) and then I listened to it all the time. Yes, that is good news.
I have come across 2 sites. www.dgreetings.com and www.engrish.com. Both have enormous potential to get you fired for laughing to hard. At Dgreetings. com look at the e-cards and read some of the captions. For example: A woman is at a desk and she exclaims: I'm so angry I'm going to pop corn out of "U". Another example: You make me fired out!! Engrish is just that, engrish. If you don't know what it is, check out the site, it won't take long to figure it out. It's funny funny stuff. I'm full of appetite.
I have not seen the Village. I have seen the commerials though and feel as I know enough about the movie to write a review. The main character in TV is the creatures. And by creatures, I mean the red-cape people. They live in the forest and come into TV when the people paint the doors with red paint. Why do they paint the doors with red paint? I'm not sure yet. The commercials have eluded that the paint is used in some form of lumberjacking. The paint marks the doors that need to be cut down. The other main character in the TV is the yellow people, or the bee people as it were. They live in Bee World and somehow have "flown" into our world by way of an interdimensional honey pot. Because bees are attacted to honey. It's what they eat. That's why they are called honey bees. Bees are a fascinating creatures. They can dance and sing and play Gin Rummy. I remember playing a non-alcoholic form of Gin Rummy called Rummykube whilst I was in my youth. So, what is my verdict of the TV?
verdict: false
I would like to apologize to the blogging community on behalf of myself for not blogging on Friday. I understand that this is a difficult time for everyone but me and I'm sorry for not coming through to those who need it most. In other news, I want china buffet for lunch, but that isn't going to happen because there is no china buffet around here, plus it gets more expensive every year. 15 bucks per person? That better be some mighty good duck sauce!
I'm 26 or 27. I've been married for a few years and have a set of twin boys.
